Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
