idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
