I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
