Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize