Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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