At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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