I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
