I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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