So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
