Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
