yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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