i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
