Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Randomize
