I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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