is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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