oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
