I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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