Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
