Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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