to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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