Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
