Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
