So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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