If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I cut my penus on the lid.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
