I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize