Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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