mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
