you would pick up someone in the library
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
