i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize