It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
