She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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