I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize