this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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