so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize