____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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