Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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