my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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