if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
