YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
