Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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