"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
