Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
