I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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