saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
