dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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