Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
