i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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