did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
