fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy sore nipples Batman
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
