...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
