I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
