you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize