you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
