2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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