nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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