Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize