Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
