I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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