: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
