next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
