I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
