He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
