Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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