Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
