at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
