I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
