He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
