it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think brook has ever known best
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
