Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
