Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
