My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
