Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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