I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
